how easy we were to leave
by callmesandy
Summary: Pacey and Joey get together in the middle of season 5, happiness ensues.


Title and opening quote from Carrie Rudzinski's Seven. Not mine, no profit garnered. AU after 5.13. For the gwyo setting seen below. Thanks to A for help!

Lots and lots of pot smoking.

* * *

 _until we both understood  
how easy we were to leave._

"Oh my god," Joey said, dropping everything into her lap. "Pacey, you could knock."

"And miss this? Hell, no," Pacey said. He sat down across from her and said, "Joey Potter, this is a bag of joints." He took one out and smelled it. "Strong ones, even. Have you ever even smoked pot?"

"Yesterday night," Joey said. "I lied to the nice boy and then I saw Wilder and we kissed and honestly, we got to about third base on a bench where anyone could have seen us, and I came home completely freaked out. So, when the girl down the hall and her boyfriend asked for the 100th time if I wanted to smoke out, I said yes."

"When you say third base," Pacey said.

"So I took a few hits from their pipe. Pot, not crack. And then they gave me this bag," Joey said.

"Drug dealers who donate bags of joints," Pacey said. He stopped fiddling with the joint in his hand and lit it, taking a long drag. She wondered where he had found a lighter, why he had one so handy.

"They do, actually. Jessa's boyfriend is from Humboldt, California and he gets these shipments through some very sophisticated means and he refuses to sell them because his brother grows it," Joey said. Pacey handed her the joint. She inhaled inexpertly. She passed it back to him and he took another long drag.

"Clearly you've smoked more than last night," Joey said. She coughed a little as she took her next hit.

"Third base," Pacey said, slowly.

"We were kissing, and then he, uh, had his hands in my pants and I actually came," Joey said. "I, uh, returned the favor. Then it was like, damn we need to stop. Or maybe have sex. Which was scary so I came home. And got high. And was thinking of doing it again this afternoon. Which I guess I am."

"Little Joey Potter, fingerfucked out in a park, gave a handjob while people walked by and then got high twice in two days," Pacey said.

"You're vulgar," Joey said. She finished the joint. "Since when do you smoke?"

"This summer," Pacey said. "Caribbean. Jamaica. Hang out with rich people who don't think the rules apply to them." He rubbed his forehead and then his chin. "Jack got me fired this morning. Underage drinking and brawling. Danny was very apologetic about the whole thing."

"Oh, no, Pacey, I'm sorry," Joey said. She leaned forward and hugged him. He held her and then ran his hands down her side. He lifted her shirt a little to hold her bare skin above her jeans.

She didn't wiggle away, she leaned into it. His warm hands on her felt like the right thing at the right time. He said, "Danny felt so sorry he got me another job. I start tomorrow with a friend of his who is more strict and only serves lunch and dinner."

"So not so bad," Joey said. She could live forever in Pacey's arms. So she was clearly high. "You overwhelm me."

"Because the pot makes you paranoid," Pacey said. He tugged her closer so she had to shift and then sit in his lap. She could feel that he was half hard.

"No, you do it. You overwhelm me. I'm reeling from you all the time. Even when I'm coming from my very handsome Professor's hands," she giggled. "I know who I'm supposed to be with. I've known for so long but I never say it." She ran her hand through his hair. "I'm always running from you. You dumped me and I ran to Dawson and his father died and I felt relief that we weren't together. I'm not even worried about him and Jen. Light another joint, please. If I get un-high I will never talk to you again."

"You will always talk to me again," Pacey said. "Even though you're overwhelmed by me. That's very good for me since I always love you, too."

"We're suckers," Joey said. She shifted her hips in his lap and felt him get harder. "Have you ever had sex when you're high?"

"Actually yes," Pacey said. "With my summer girlfriend."

"Will you always love her?"

"I will always think of her fondly," Pacey said.

Joey laid back on the bed, toeing off her shoes and socks. She was unbuttoning her jeans when Pacey leaned over and put a lit joint in her mouth. She let go of her jeans to hold it and inhaled deeply. "I think I'm getting better at this," Joey said. She handed the joint back to Pacey.

Pacey's shoes and socks were already off, and he was sitting next to her, also taking off his jeans. "We're getting naked," Pacey said.

"Audrey has a ton of condoms," Joey said. She got up and went into Audrey's drawer. "Also vibrators. I have no idea which one makes that horrible whining sound."

"Audrey is cool," Pacey said. "Come back here and have another hit."

She took off her shirt and shed her bra as she walked over. Then she pushed off her underwear and finally went back to her bed. Pacey was already naked, too, and hard. She said, "Condom."

He handed her the joint. She gave him the condom to put on. They took another minute to finish the joint. Then she kissed him. It felt like time stood still, and it felt like Pacey was a part of her. Then he started touching her between her legs and it was funny, she giggled. "I wish more people were walking by."

"Joey Potter, you're a pot smoking exhibitionist," Pacey said.

She was so wet, but it was an hour or something like, maybe sometime shorter, she was really high, he was on top of her, thrusting inside her. She said, "Please don't run, please don't let me run."

She woke up to the sound of Audrey screeching. "Penis, penis, penis," she was saying.

Pacey mumbled something and she felt him pulling a blanket over both of them.

"Thank you," Audrey said. "Also oh my god, are we at a Phish concert or something? Joey, did you party with Jessa?"

"Last night, before that, she gave me a whole bag. Which I have no idea where it is," Joey said.

"I hid it," Pacey said. "I threw away the condom and I hid the bag and then I could not stay awake. Audrey, what time is it?"

"3 am," Audrey said. "Pacey, you got fired."

"Yeah, nice how Jack has tried to find me and apologize," Pacey said.

"He came by the restaurant," Audrey said.

Joey sat up and Audrey said, "Boobies, boobies boobies!"

"You've seen my breasts," Joey said.

"But not you just sitting up in bed, letting it hang out," Audrey said. "Is this Joey who smokes pot or is this how you are when you're with Pacey?"

"The pot," Pacey said. "Is there a way to set an alarm, like, for more like 6 am?"

Audrey said, "You can't live here, Pacey."

"I promise I won't," Pacey said.

Joey said, "That's good," and fell back asleep.

Somebody, someone, Pacey shook her awake. "It's 6:30, I need to go. If you see Jack, tell him he owes me big. Also, I love you. I won't run, so you don't run, okay?"

"Okay," Joey said. "God, I have homework."

Joey did her homework, went to her two morning classes. She felt sober as a judge. Then she went to Wilder's office and withdrew from his class and his life.

She needed to find something to fill that void in her schedule. She didn't feel like she had a void, she felt full. She felt like everything that needed to happen was happening the way it was supposed to be. That had to be the drugs. She went to Grams to consult with the only person she knew and liked who ever took drugs.

"You don't really have a question," Jen said. "You just want to talk about getting high and sex with Pacey."

"It's been a pretty exciting few days," Joey said.

"Wait until Dawson shares his news," Jen said.

"Is it the kind of news that would make it a better or worse time to mention the Pacey thing?"

Jen shrugged. "He decided to direct a movie written by this sexist pig. Pacey is serious enough to mention to Dawson?"

"Yes," Joey said. "Yes, absolutely."

"Because at the beginning of the school year, it seemed like Dawson was yes absolutely," Jen said.

"I know," Joey said. "But you know, it really hasn't been Dawson since I was 16. Not for me. No matter what I tried to tell myself."

"Ouch," Dawson said, as he sat down next to Jen.

"I'm sorry, Dawson, that was not what I meant to say -"

"Not to my face," Dawson said. "Are you back together with Pacey?"

"Yes," Joey said. "Which I was going to tell you very differently."

"I would have appreciated that," Dawson said. He looked unhappy. Joey felt like an utter asshole. She may have been running as hard as she could from Pacey but what Dawson had felt was real.

"You're back to directing," Joey said, with a bright smile.

"Okay, let's go with that," Dawson said. They had a strained conversation with Jen smoothing things over until it was much less strained and it was all good. Joey wanted it to be all good so she would just keep acting like it was until it was.

It occurred to Joey as she went back to Worthington that she had been going around acting like she and Pacey were back together when what they were was a couple who got high and had sex. Things had been said, that was certain. She looked at her phone and realized she had turned it off.

She turned it back on and had three messages from Pacey. The first was "I guess you're in class, but I have presented myself at the new job, filled out some forms and I am the lowest rung of prep cook. But the chef is pretty cool and apparently I'm replacing someone who didn't work very hard so as odd as it sounds, people will pleased, I think. To work with me. Call me."

The second message was "It's a little weird you haven't called me yet. There is no way this is because the sex was bad because that was fantastic sex. Anyway, Jack found me and took me to lunch. I told him he can make it up to me by finding me an apartment. Which I meant seriously. Call me."

The third message was "Hey, you told Dawson we were back together, thanks for letting me know. You own a phone, right? This number goes somewhere? If I don't hear from you, I'm bunking down at Grams's until Jack does his restitution."

She called him and said, "I turned off my phone. I was dropping out of Wilder's class and deciding what to do with my sudden free time. So you should come over."

"Hi," Pacey said. "That's a very nice greeting. I will come over. Please warn Audrey."

They decided to set aside the other contents of the baggie until they had a celebration of something to celebrate like an A or a real apartment but they still ended up snuggled in bed together. He told her about his day and his new job, and Joey went over ideas about when to get her missing credits from her academic record replaced, what to do to keep writing. Joey got a text from Audrey that she wouldn't be home until 2 am, so they had loud sex.

The next day and the day after went the same way except Audrey got home at different times and Joey started to narrow down her new class to do.

"So," Pacey said. He had come over in the afternoon.

"You got a day off already?"

Pacey smiled. "Thank you for not asking if I got fired already. I took the afternoon off, because Jack called, and I finally have an apartment. Not only did Jack find it, he pulled strings with some of his frat buddies or the connected McPhee family and it's a tiny studio in Beacon Hill."

"Ooooh, fancy," Joey said.

"I can even afford the rent which is good because I have to get out of Grams's since Jack is moving back in," Pacey said. "You can stay with me during the summer if you want."

"We're making plans," Joey said. "Maybe we shouldn't make plans."

"Okay, we'll decide in four months," Pacey said, looking down. "Anyway, I've moved all my stuff in, it was semi furnished so if you want to come stay with me. You could. Tomorrow or Friday."

"Friday," Joey said. She held his face and pulled his chin up. "I don't want to make plans because plans are also overwhelming and enveloping. I can only fight on so many fronts at the same time, so right now I'm focusing on the experience of choosing you."

"I'm not scary," Pacey said.

"Even when I'm not high, being with you feels like the whole world, like everything is revolving around this moment for us."

"You're sure you're not high," Pacey said.

"I actually can't find where you hid my bag of joints, so I'm definitely not high," Joey said. "I have good news, too. I got into the seminar on creative writing that isn't being taught by a professor whose penis I've had in my hand and it starts in two weeks and goes to the end of the semester so my academic progress remains right on track."

"They're in your underwear drawer," Pacey said.

Friday, Joey went to Pacey's new workplace with Jen and Audrey. It was a very nice restuarant, less cutting edge than Civilization, but still high end. They'd made a reservation so they were seated quickly. "So what's Pacey cooking?" Audrey scanned the menu.

"He's the lowest prep cook on the totem pole, so he's probably not cooking any of the priciest dishes," Joey said.

Jen said, "He told Dawson he spends all day on potatoes and vegetables. He actually makes more than he did at Civilization, though, minus the random bonuses."

"He liked those random bonuses," Audrey said. "Hey, Jen, did you know Joey's become a big pot head?"

"Are you listening to a lot of Phish? That isn't something I can tolerate," Jen said.

"Three times in the last 2 weeks," Joey said. "The first time, the next night when Pacey and I got back together, and yesterday because I found out I got all my classes for next year."

"And had sex with Pacey again," Audrey said. "They've been having a lot of sex. Though, now that I've seen Pacey's penis, I kinda get it."

Joey said, "It's not about -"

"Size? Girth?" Jen smiled.

"I don't really have much to compare to," Joey said.

Audrey said, "Well, let me tell you, if you did, you would be happy with what you got."

"Really," Jen said.

"I haven't seen it hard, but it's nothing to sneeze at when it's all limp and sad," Audrey said. "I think the penis looks sad when it's flaccid."

"Floppy," Jen said.

Joey was very thankful the waitress came up a minute later in a rare moment of silence. After all three of them ordered, Joey said, "Do you know Pacey? He's a prep cook here. I just wanted to say hi. Or tell him hi, sorry."

The waitress smiled. "Yup, Pacey's back there tonight. Who's saying hi?"

"Joey, Jen and Audrey," Audrey said. "He's only seen two of us naked."

The waitress laughed as she walked away. "When did Pacey see you naked, again?" Joey looked at Jen.

"When we were almost having casual sex," Jen said. "And he was not over Andie and falling in love with you. There was a point when I was naked and he went down on me, and was very good actually."

"Exactly how far did you two get?" Audrey sipped her water. "I heard it was casual never got as far as sex."

"He went down on me, I gave him a handjob, lots of heavy petting, but no consummation," Jen said.

"I've never had sex with anyone else," Joey said. "Besides Professor Wilder, the only other penis I've really seen is Jack's."

"Gay Jack?" Audrey looked befuddled.

"Before he realized, before he was ready to admit it to himself that he was Gay Jack, he was in love with Joey Jack and the only thing that stopped them from consummation was Jack's inability to get it up," Jen said.

"And that didn't tell him he was gay? Joey's super hot," Audrey said.

"It was another week or two after that," Joey said. "And thank you?"

Pacey came out to see them after they'd ordered dessert. He was holding one of those white caps in his hands. Jen said, "They don't let you just wear a baseball hat, huh?"

"Nope," Pacey said. He leaned over and kissed Joey's cheek. "It looks stupid, but it's the rules. Rules matter."

"You really have left Civilization," Audrey said.

"I really was fired, yeah," Pacey said. "This is cool, too. I'm learning a lot. Bruno's not as cool as Danny but he's very disciplined and very interested in helping everyone improve. He doesn't play favorites, which you'd think I'd hate since I loved being Danny's favorite, but it's actually pretty cool."

Joey said, "How long until you get off?"

Jen and Audrey both giggled. Pacey said, "Hey, we all get the joke. I'll be done with work in half an hour, I can wait for you outside. Then we can go to my place, you can finally see it."

"It's surprisingly nice," Jen said. "Jack and I went over with Dawson. We helped decorate."

"Yeah, thanks for the plant," Pacey said.

"Plants, I brought more than one," Jen said.

Joey took the T with Pacey and they walked to his new place. "It was a house, then it was converted to multiple studio apartments. It's one of the only apartment buildings in the surrounding two blocks. But we each have our own bathroom and kitchen and entrance so it's not like I know any of the other guys. Except at least three of them are actual huge potheads based on how the place smells."

The house was lovely and Pacey's studio was basically a basement apartment. He had one long window about seven feet up. Joey noticed Jen's two plants on the ledge. "Semi furnished means it came with this bed?"

"It's actually a futon, the mattress part is new. I just have it set out as the bed all the time because I don't want to put the bedding on and take it off every day," Pacey said. He sat down on the bed and reached underneath. He pulled out a bag of joints. "Celebrate?"

"We're becoming potheads," Joey said.

"It will only last as long as you room near Jessa. She gave me this last time I stayed over with you," Pacey said.

Joey wandered around, noting that Pacey already had the picture Dawson had taken of them at Christmas up on the wall, and two pictures of boats. They were probably yachts or something specific, but Joey really didn't pay too much attention to boat talk. The kitchen was super small but she noticed Pacey already had some high quality looking pots and pans on a set of hooks on the wall. He had very little cabinet space.

"Go check out the bathroom," Pacey said. He was sprawled on the bed, leaning against the wall, lighting one of the joints.

Joey went into the bathroom. It was small, of course, and there was no tub, only a wide shower area. Pacey had already hung a shower curtain, so she pulled it aside. "Wow," she said.

"You see the tiling?" Pacey came up behind her and offered her the joint.

"It's amazing," Joey said. She was getting much better at inhaling. The tiles were tiny, one inch square, and while the bottom half was white, the top half up to the ceiling was a pointillist masterpiece. "It's a white castle, house?"

"On a lake," Pacey said. "Apparently, the previous tenant, a few years ago, was unemployed and on a lot stronger drugs than you and I have been indulging in. He retiled this whole shower in three days. Then he went into rehab."

"I can understand why they never replaced it," Joey said.

All Pacey had for furniture was a cheap TV cabinet with a not cheap at all TV on it and his futon bed. She got on the bed with him, starting to feel the pot take effect. "You need a bureau or something for your clothes. And some kind of table to eat on."

"And more than one plate, one bowl, one spoon, two knives, one fork," Pacey said.

"Where are your clothes now?"

"Bag under the bed, like my shoes, and my books," Pacey said.

"You have books?"

"I have books," Pacey said. He ran his hand down her chest then pushing up her shirt. "I love how rarely you wear a bra." His hands and his mouth were all over her breasts. She closed her eyes and arched her back to bring him closer to her. She started touching herself, masturbating. Pacey pulled her hands up and said, "No no no, I'll do that."

"Then do it," she said. He did.

For her first story for her creative writing seminary, Joey decided to write about the man who'd tiled Pacey's shower, her idea of him. It was quiet and contemplative and she was convinced everyone in the seminar would belittle her. She let Dawson read it before she really made a fool of herself.

"It's brilliant," Dawson said. "I think it is."

"You're not just saying that?"

"Would I just say that? I mean, definitely not now that I know you haven't loved me since you were 16," Dawson said, smiling. "It's weird to think of the beginning of this year, how much weight I was putting on this idea of you."

"We both were," Joey said. "The idea of each other. Not the real us. Look at how ridiculous we were, kissing right after I broke up with Pacey and then that stupid phone call and us, in general. I'm sorry, I know it was awful for both of us, more for you. But we've realized it now and you have Jen and I have Pacey. I think that's the better ending than some fated to be together thing that was only true if we were fictional stick figures."

"So you don't think we're soulmates?" Dawson was still smiling.

"If that means platonic best friends for life, then we definitely are. But romantically, no. Not for us," Joey said.

"Maybe we should have figured out this sooner," Dawson said.

"And miss all the misery?" She smiled at him. "We had to both figure out we could stand alone and not perpetuate this cycle of trying and failing and failing."

The students at the seminar did indeed think her story was good. They asked challenging questions that made her want to write more, make it even better. "It was so awesome, Pacey," she said, as they both laid naked on his bed.

"As good as the sex we just had was?"

"Possibly better because more people were involved," Joey said, grinning.

"You have such a dirty mind," Pacey said. "I like learning that about you."

"I am going to paint you a picture," Joey said, looking at his wall. "A picture for your sad wall."

"What's sad about it?"

"You have a picture of us, and two pictures of boats. I don't know, it makes me sad," Joey said.

"It doesn't make me sad and I spend more time here than you," Pacey said. "Those aren't just boats, by the way. And you saw I put up that picture of all of us from Andie's farewell party."

"I don't care," Joey said. "I'm going to draw you something, something happy."

"Naked you would make me happy, I'm very happy right now," Pacey said.

Joey looked at his lovely face and felt overwhelmed all over again. She could drown like this, and they hadn't even gotten high in a week. But something about Pacey was rushing into her lungs, bonding with her blood. "I'll think of something. You'll see."

He kissed her and she felt like she was higher than she'd ever been. He said, "I believe in you."


End file.
